INESSA KALABEKOVA

1 to 1 tutorial with Jonathan

Throughout the day, I’ve been feeling restless and couldn’t quite put my finger on the cause. It’s akin to the nerves I experience before an exam. Perhaps I’m grappling with understanding how to navigate moments of loss, and it’s weighing heavily on me. Balancing sympathy and authenticity is proving to be quite the challenge, without coming across as disingenuous. It feels like true sincerity only emerges when I’m on stage or in the midst of a performance. Sincerity remains somewhat intangible to me when trying to express and embody it through my art. I’ve often found comfort in celebrating myself behind the scenes, yet maintaining composure during difficult times remains an ongoing battle.

In a recent conversation about my projects, I had a sudden realization that I frequently hide behind them. Deep down, I acknowledge that my true essence shines through when I’m not putting on a show for an audience. Whether it’s confidence or Duende – the soulful force that inspires art – there’s a profound connection to authenticity. Described as a trance-like state, it’s an overwhelming sensation experienced when witnessing a performance. This is the state I aspire to convey to my audience and those who engage with my art. Perhaps that’s why I’m feeling a bit apprehensive.

The advice to speak more about myself and to perform with a newfound understanding of who I am is daunting. It’s a journey that requires courage and vulnerability.

 

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